Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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