what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
