I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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