I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize