K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
