My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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