We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
