she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
