So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
