dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
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Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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