He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
