I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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