I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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