Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
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My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
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He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My vagina is officially offended.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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