The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
