Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
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that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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