Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
