The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
