I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
