just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize