I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
