i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.