Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.