mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
