she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
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I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
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I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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