those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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