I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
