Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
