we're chasing vodka with high fives
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't deserve a penis
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
