Where did you get a picture of my penis
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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