Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
