Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
