i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
