you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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