sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
