My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
