I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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