True but thats because hes a fetus.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
