He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize