Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
