Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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