Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We got so high we made milksteak
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
