She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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