oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
