I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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