He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
