she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
