sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Banned from zoo.
Again?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
