we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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