We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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