I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
