True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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