If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
