you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
