He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
