After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
