walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
