How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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