I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
