I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
