Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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