Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
