these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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