If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
