Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize