There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
