How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
