i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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