I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
