Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
