I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
