It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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