she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
foreskin is a definite game changer
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
