from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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