I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
