I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Shame - the story of my life.
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