sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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