I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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