I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
