i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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